liz

happinessfades @ 2002-09-25T16:58:00

2002-09-25T21:58:30Z

it turns out, frank slashed [Bad username: wishingfor wing]'s tires. so.. he was on school campus with a knife.

we had activity period today, which means everyone's lunch if about 30 minutes earlier that usual. i didn't know about this...

i called frank BEFORE lunch. his line was busy. i called frank AFTER lunch, and he had already left.
i didn't know what to do...

after lunch, josh and taylor came up to me and said the cops got him. i looked around, and i couldn't find him. jessica called frank's mom and told her what was up.

i went back to math and they called my name to go to the office.

i walk in and see trae, a cop, and mr. trobaugh. i was scared out of my mind.
trobaugh was just like, 'okay, liz.. we're going to ask you some questions, and you need to answer them honestly."

the cop:
"do you know this young man(trae)?"
"yes, we're good friends.."
"your boyfriend slashed his tires ---"

and the rest is nothing, except for..

"we're going to have to call your mom and tell them that your 18 year old boyfriend did this. i know that if my 14 year old daughter had a boyfriend this violent, i'd want to know."

then i started breaking down. i had no idea what to say, so i just argued.

"i'm so confused though.."

then she explained to me that after letting out all of his anger on the tire, he could have let it out on me by slashing my face.

now, i don't think frank would do that. i wanted to tell her frank slashed his tires for a thrill, but that'd make him be lying..

i didn't know. i tried to argue, but it didn't work...

they didn't call my parents.

but..

the last of it was just me crying to them, and explaining to them to why i couldn't tell my parents about boys.

trobaugh talked about how i'm mature for my page, and he can understand me dating older guys, but i need to date older guys that are good for me.

basically, they were cool to me. they didn't call my parents, but i have to tell my parents. i'm still trying to figure out how i'm going to do that.

as for frank, i don't know. everyone expects me to not be with him anymore. i'm sure he's pissed off.

things will happen the way they happen....

happinessfades @ 2002-09-18T06:33:00

2002-09-18T11:33:12Z

my new journal is at ljuser=nowthestars

add me if you'd like.

i appreciate you reading my journal.

make me able. not unstable.

2002-09-16T22:58:46Z

so, my brother and ashley broke up.
that's so weird.
they've been together for about 3 years.

it's alright.

i think i'm going to make a new journal. i hate this name, and i love the new one. so, soon.. i will be nowthestars

i love kissing him.

2002-09-15T07:57:40Z

oh my god i'm so in love with this guy.

eeee!!

we spent all day together.

'twas the Munford Celebrate. this little thing the whole town stirs up over, when all i think of it is a chance to get away from my parents for 5 hours ;]

anyway.. i told him i'd meet him at Fred's dollar store. so, i walk up there and i see TJ and get soo happy because i hadn't seen him in forever. he talks about the drugs he's doing, the boy he's dating, and how much of a bitch his mom is. frank finally walks up wearing the get up kids shirt and i melt.

we walked to jessica's house, walked back.. then we went to the park with charles, katie, tj, and jessica. we got on the swings.. and started to make out and jessica took pictures.

we then went in the grass and made out...

then we went to fred's again. jessie got frank to buy her spray paint. they spray painted on the wall near the stairs to get to the roof of the weird building.

i got pictures of that.

frank and i made out on the roof...

jessie got pictures of that.

i eventually had to go home and change, but i'd be coming back. so.. yes, i left and then came back and talked to frank for about .4 seconds. he gave me a ring and a necklace ;] i almost melted. ah, i love them.. then i had to go play with the band.

after that was over we snuck kiss, and i left... looking forward to the night.

we had a show in jackson. i read a book the whole way there... and thank god that passed the time. i met hardgirl there, and we waited for frank, mike, and his friend jake. jake is a very cool guy.

they got there.. and we just.. we were so easy going.

we played first. great show, i think. somewhat energetic crowd, and decent sound.

2nd band was cheesy... but frank and i were somewhat alone for a while. i felt so good just sitting there. unbelievably good, really.

right when restraint went on, i went outside with frank because my parents were inside.. we were kissing and my mom came out and i guess we separated just in time.. she told me to the watch the band or we're leaving. what the hell? she was just being her normal bitch self.

restraint was GREAT. much, MUCH better live than on cd. i was very impressed. very...

i told frank i loved him, he kissed my cheek, and we left.

we listened to a mix cd on the way home that was mostly dashboard confessional. bad idea. i ended up falling asleep...

and now i'm here waiting on frank to get home from kroger.

there's something about this boy that makes me want him more and more.. and more and more and more every day. he's special. i'm counting the days, too...

3 years, 3 months, and 16 days.

;]

happinessfades @ 2002-09-13T23:59:00

2002-09-14T05:00:06Z

ah, our first away game.
one less game to deal with.
the sooner this is over with.

next week is competition week.
it will not be fun.

tomorrow is the munford celebrate ';]
that.. that will be fun.
as long as someone doesn't come. -ahem-
i'll get to see my frankie<3 and we can swing on the swings.

-giggle-

2002-09-13T00:11:01Z

god, i think about him all day.

he's so great! damnit!

everything i see or hear reminds me of him.

you mean everything to me. sometimes i doubt it, sometimes you doubt it, but i know that i love you.

'tis buddy's birthday ;]

2002-09-11T21:40:59Z

constantly in my head:

one and two and three and four and one and two and three and four and one and two and three and four and UN KAK KAK-KUM.

i hate the drums, damnit!

happinessfades @ 2002-09-10T21:00:00

2002-09-11T02:00:36Z

i didn't go to school today.

frank came over.. ;]!!!

except.. my brother caught us.

he bitched me out, told me i was going to fuck up, and threatend to call my mom.

ah, well...

he's finally back.

happinessfades @ 2002-09-09T20:31:00

2002-09-10T01:31:41Z

i'm sick.

not sick enough.

gettin' to bed early tonight.

-tips hat-

lata gang.

head wound in a cut-throat world of antumn meaning.

2002-09-08T17:46:18Z

acoustic guitars and carrabba lyrics.

you know i'm thinkin' of you

sometimes i break my own rules.

happinessfades @ 2002-09-07T23:05:00

2002-09-08T04:06:10Z

donnie dark is the best movie i have ever seen in my entire life.

happinessfades @ 2002-09-06T22:40:00

2002-09-07T03:41:04Z

i'm so sick of the same shit every single day.

i'm not happy during band. YOU know this.

"what's wrong?"

"nothing."

"WHAT'S WRONG?"

and, yeah, they expect me to tell them so they can bitch at me.
i know they're going to bitch at me and i don't think constantly complaining to them about how much i hate band is going to make them any happier. i don't understand why they think band should be so much fun.

anyway, i tell them i just don't want to be here. i get this 'well, you're here, so stop with the attitude.'

yeah, what the hell. do i choose to be here? no.

then they won't let me go to the music box tonight to go see eddie.

LIKE they have something to do. my brother's at his girlfriend's house. they stay up til, oh, midnight waiting on him to get home. instead of actually letting me go somewhere, they make me sit here and completely waste away my friday night.

then they bitch at me for not being social.
i'll be social.
social with the fucking band kids.

happinessfades @ 2002-09-05T22:19:00

2002-09-06T03:19:40Z

-sigh-

;D

happinessfades @ 2002-09-03T19:33:00

2002-09-04T00:33:29Z

I HATE THIS.
CAN'T YOU SEE?
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO DO.

this is doing nothing but making me miserable.
i don't see the fun in it.
i don't see the learning.
i see the screaming,
and the yelling,
and the tears,
and the pain,
and the lack of interest in everyone.

oh, i LOVED walking into our closet today. the one my favorite people change in, because we all feel comfortable with each other. i LOVED walking in there and seeing everyone crying. everyone miserable, like they'd rather be somewhere else. they'd rather be doing algebra homework.

i LOVED my brother bitching at me, asking me where i've been, when i was ashamed to walk outside with the football players, and the cheerleaders, all guzzling their gatorade, when i was crying.

you LIED to me. you told me i could quit, but i can't. and i HATE IT.
I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE IT.
i love my boyfriend
and i love highschool
and i love jessica, landon, jessie, all of my friends.
i hate band.
it's the one thing in my life making me unhappy.

- i'm not lazy. i'm not scared. i'm not weak.
i just DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.
i don't want that fucking pig TOUCHING ME.
i don't want him telling me to move to the left
play softer
watch
watch
watch
FUCKING
WATCH.
because everything i do is wrong.
why?
because i don't watch.
none of us watch.
we all just stare into space. we don't care.
we get off to your screaming at us.

at least i do.

happinessfades @ 2002-09-02T12:19:00

2002-09-02T17:19:25Z

ah, last night.

the show was pretty weak. i expected a lot more of a crowd since it was dingo fest. that's okay.. hm.

to those of you that went to my show: sorry about the lack of people.. or energy on stage. thanks for coming.

anyway... there was this one random kid that was up near the stage singing along. that was great. he bought a shirt. we sold 3 shirts, actually.

after our show i went across the street and saw a band called Lume. oh. my. god. amazing.

i came home and talked to landon for a while.
i'm going to try and convince my brother to let him write lyrics to our new song. then.. i'm taking pictures of him playing guitar! i can't wait... ah.

but, overall... the night was decent.
it would've been better if my surrender played.. ;/

happinessfades @ 2002-08-29T21:54:00

2002-08-30T02:55:05Z

blah.

so, i just found out frank may be staying in NH for another week and a couple of days.

that sucks. i am so pissed off. i guess i understand, but it just doesn't make me happy. he hasn't even been gone a week and i miss him so much. also, if he doesn't come back in a week, we'll miss the munford celebrate. the one thing in this town i actually enjoy. the one of few times we'll be able to hang out with each other by walking around and doing stuff duing the day opposed to making out in his car at 2am.. don't get me wrong -- i love making out in his car, but i know eventually it'll wear out.

i just miss him a lot, and the thought of me not being with him for 3 weeks scares me. especially since he has no AIM...

this also really upset me:

ub3rdorkx> hey.. I'll be back in about... 20 minutes. ok?
now_the_s> ah
now_the_s> well ;/ i have to go..
ub3rdorkx> ok... what time will you be back?
now_the_s> i think i'm going to bed; ./
ub3rdorkx> welp
ub3rdorkx> okie
ub3rdorkx> g'night
now_the_s> aahh ;/
now_the_s> kjshdf damnit
now_the_s> sneak the phonecard tomorrow for a min?
ub3rdorkx> i shall,
now_the_s> k good ;]
now_the_s> i love you frankie
*** ub3rdorkx has quit IRC (ub3rdorkx)
*** Disconnected

no-good good-byes.

i'm obsessive and controlling. i can't help it. i kind of wish he was...
i'm kind of reminding myself of my brother's girlfriend. she bitches when he doesn't call or talk to her for a while, and i always call her a stupid bitch. .. i'm turning into the stupid bitch.

i have to choose some things to do this weekend.

tomorrow night i have the football game. afterwards i want to go to eddie's show to see him play and see lando, but that probably won't happen. erm.
saturday is crippled nation and trae wants me to go with him, but i don't know how that's going to work.
sunday we're playing the dingo fest. .. i don't know what to say about that.

anyone want to help me make 330 dollars by the 10th?

-sigh-

happinessfades @ 2002-08-28T17:48:00

2002-08-28T22:48:39Z

Which Overrated Band Are You?

[clinically insane]

er, shit
You are Avril Lavigne. You are a fucking poser. You pathetic piece of shit. Basically. you keep this hardcore, punk, skater-chick image even though you make POP songs. [Read: Destroy the image, or I'll destroy you]. You piss me off so much I'm not even going to add anymore to this result. Poser.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAH

happinessfades @ 2002-08-25T22:13:00

2002-08-26T03:13:24Z

frank is now in NH.

i miss him so much. more than i thought i would at this point.
i fell and hit my head. i blacked out.. got sick. i think i'm okay.
i got in bed and cuddled up against his shirt while breathing in his scent.
god, i love it.

i haven't talked to him in 24 hours.
this kind of reminds me of when i went on vacation.
except i looked forward to the end of the week.
his vacation isn't close to halfway over.
i'll make it through this. maybe this will make things even better.
he'll miss me, and i'll miss him, and we'll feel amazing when we see each other again.

i forgot to do my science homework. our teacher does this deal:
we get all of our homework in one day.
we turn it in on the day of the test.

i just earned 7 0's in the first 2 weeks of high school.
this is bad...

but! not as bad as spanish. we have a quiz every day.
quizzes are 30% of our grade.
they're 5 questions.
i don't think i've passed one.

i need frank.
the only advantage of him being gone is that i can now go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
i'll see him at the munford celebrate.
we can sit on the swings in the park ;]

i love love love my boyfriend.

2002-08-25T05:20:35Z

my boyfriend is in new york city. i am so jealous!

so, he called me to brag. also to tell me he loved me ;] ah, he's so great. i miss him so much already.
he told me nyc sucks. he said i'd hate it and that he's taking me there when i'm older to prove that it sucks.
he says it's so loud and you can't hear anything but honks. sounds great to me.

he comes back on our 'anniversary' ehm ;x
i can't see him though;/
my parents realized i sneak out.
they put a motion light outside.
freaks.

oh.

we cancelled our show tonight.
we lost a keyboard, an amp, and some pedals.
fucking rain went through the trailer and soaked everything.
we have a show on the 1st.
not sure how that will work..

happinessfades @ 2002-08-24T02:54:00

2002-08-24T07:54:05Z

mm. tonight was fun.

went to the show. hung out with landontastic and it_is_to_me. sam and lando got kind of pissy towards each other. sam left. then we saw heatherm318 and hardgirl. very lovable.. they gave me sips of their alcohol. meg and landon gave buddy and me their wristbands so we could pass for 18, but i had to leave anyway.. hm. landon is definitely someone i'd like to hang out with more. as a friend, yeah. don't think he feels the same, but he's rad. i'd choose hanging out with him and sam before hanging out with anyone in this area any day.

i need sleep.

happinessfades @ 2002-08-22T18:07:00

2002-08-22T23:08:03Z

school.

..school.

after school, there's band.

after tomorrow, there's no boyfriend.
after the 21st, there's no life.

happinessfades @ 2002-08-21T21:56:00

2002-08-22T02:57:01Z

he's not happy.. and i can't do anything. i can actually say that i can't do anything.

as cheesy as it is, i feel like walking to his house and giving him some chocolate milk.

it makes me want to take everything i own and destroy it because i don't deserve it.

i want to fall asleep in his arms.
i want to kiss him until my lips can't take it anymore.
i want to look into his eyes until i begin to melt, which won't take very long.

i want to make sure he knows how good he makes me feel.
i want to make him feel the same.

happinessfades @ 2002-08-21T16:28:00

2002-08-21T21:28:36Z

happy birthday eddie!!!!

for the.. 50th time? ;x

happinessfades @ 2002-08-20T19:59:00

2002-08-21T01:00:05Z

ah, i'm so happy ;]

the summer before 9th was amazing.

high school is amazing.

spanish class is great.

math class is easy.

english class is stupid.

study skills is fun.

seeing my boyfriend after school is super duper</b>.

happinessfades @ 2002-08-18T18:28:00

2002-08-18T23:28:25Z

today i went to wal-mart.

yeah, yeah. who cares, right? but, i saw frank. i knew he'd be coming, so i told my mom i'd meet her in the cat food while i got my shampoo.

he came and got me, and we walked around the back part for about an hour. john showed up and we walked around with him, while frank and i sneaked a few kisses. ;]

john left, and i knew i had to find my mom soon. so, we kissed for a bit and i rushed and got my things so my mom wouldn't find me with nothing.

right as frank left my mom was standing probably 5 feet.

she was crying. she freaked out on me.

"where have you been?! i've been looking for hours!!"

uhm...

"i'm so sick of my kids being where they're not supposed to be!!"

uhm..

we were silent the way home until she freaked out again.

"there are kids everywhere being kidnapped because they're not where they're supposed to be!!!"

it was worth it.
i had fun.
i'm in love.
i'm finally happy.
frank wrote out "liz n sniz" with letters from the craft department.

pretty soon we'll be getting tattoos ;]!